Reflections on the Day of the Bicycle

Art by Anna Kampfe, @comicbookheart.

Pride Weekend of 2019. I’m at my first “real” rave and I’ve just stumbled almost head-on into an orgy that was going on in an open corner of a repurposed Bed-Stuy restaurant just steps from one of the best techno producers of all time, Marcel Dettmann. It was time to go outside. I gather myself and make my way through the throngs of people, young and old, some visibly gurning out and some smiling. Leaving the techno room and entering into the house room, I become briefly transfixed by the solo femme DJ commanding the decks of the lightly crowded room. The vibrations of the turntable unravel themselves before my young eyes and it is just about one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen. When I finally make my way outside, there is a lovely mass of ravers greeting me in various states of being under the influence of what I could only categorize as “ethereal and otherworldly alternate states of being,” i.e. illicit substances.

I take a seat and soak it all in, an absolutely massive smile forming upon my face. Near me sit a group. A member of the group takes out some palo santo to cleanse the energies of where we all are. There’s a guy talking, and he has an accent. I ask him if he’s from Ireland and he jumps. His friend looks over at me.

 “I think you freaked him the fuck out,” he says. 

I continue to let them be and simply bask in the early morning glow of being there at this event and of also being alive. A man walks up to me at one point and asks to buy me a drink and I shoo him away. Eventually Marcel himself comes out to smoke a cigarette. Absolutely all is right in the world. I am 21 years old, I am a fully out queer woman finally living in New York, and I am on 150 micrograms (roughly a tab and a half) of lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD, or, more commonly, acid). It’s the single most profound experience I have ever had while under the influence of something.

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LSD was once a substance that was more relegated to a counterculture more than anything else. As times changed and as it became more stigmatized to use, however, LSD became more of an underground substance for people who still wanted to experience the classic dropping in and tuning out. The world is entering a bit of a psychedelic renaissance these days, however, with more and more places in the United States working to decriminalize entheogenic plant medicines such as psilocybin mushrooms and mescaline. It’s still a bit muddled with how LSD will factor into these decriminalization measures, but it’s also true that LSD use is picking up these days. According to the Drug Policy Alliance, "just as many young adults in the 21st century have used psychedelics as older adults who lived through the 1960's and 70's." From a study conducted by the DPA taking place between 2002 and 2014, 0.1% of the population consisting of all ages considered themselves as being psychedelic users.

Like many before me, I first met Lucy while in college. I felt inclined to blast off to “somewhere else” because I was interested in seeing if it would have an effect upon my creative process as well as wanting to see if it could change some less-than-ideal thought patterns I found myself continually regressing into. So, I purchased a single tab for myself from a friend of a friend in Ithaca, the college town I lived in foMagaziner three years, and went off to plan my internal adventure. The tab had a cherub on it. Maybe it was a sign. I dunno.

I chose a chill Friday night for my experience. The test was to be conducted at my friend’s apartment. The night before, we put up positive affirmations all over her wall in case of a bad trip. And then on Friday itself I consumed half of the tab and waited. And waited. And waited some more. My group of friends and myself watched the Sofia Coppola time capsule masterwork The Bling Ring on their projector and then I had to go to the bathroom. That’s when it really began to hit me. While washing my hands, I began staring at myself in the mirror and noticed that my pupils were HUGE! It was quite amusing. Before I knew it, I was sitting in my friend’s bathtub, fully clothed, giggling and listening to music on my phone.

I’ll say with absolute certainty that my perspective was most certainly altered after that one psychedelic experience on a wintry night in Ithaca. Now, more than two years later, I’ve had probably twelve significant LSD experiences that have furthered my grasp of the otherworld. I’ve had an absolutely terrifying bad trip in which I was locked in a cabin in the middle of the deep New Hampshire woods where I talked to a demon for two hours straight. Right before I graduated from Ithaca College, I sat in one of the gorges for a few hours allowing myself to full-on melt into nature. I had a very cathartic first candy flipping experience (consuming LSD and MDMA at the same time) in which I saw Dr. Rubinstein DJ an excellent set in Queens before I went home and sobbed in my bed for four hours while watching The Fellowship of the Ring. So, I can say with absolute certainty in the year 2020 that psychedelics have permanently altered my psyche and understanding of the world around me in all of its varied forms, and I’d want it no other way.

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I’m most definitely not the first person whose life has been positively impacted by psychedelics, nor will I be the last. It is to be duly noted, however, that psychedelic experiences of the LSD variety would not be around were it not for a balmy spring day in Switzerland in the year 1943. On April 19 of that year, the Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann embarked on the first intentional LSD trip of 250 micrograms before proceeding to ride his bicycle all the way home. Through his time working to discover novel pharmaceuticals for Sandoz Laboratories, Dr. Hofmann had already been synthesizing ergot, which is commonly a fungus found on rye. LSD had already been synthesized by Dr. Hofmann in the year 1938, but it wasn’t until April 16, 1943 that Dr. Hofmann accidentally ingested some of it off his fingertip. Three days later, he would be deeply in the throes of the first-recorded LSD trip. (Source: Bicycle Day L.A.)

Dr. Hofmann was more than definitely interested in the mental component of LSD, and that is truly the hallmark of the LSD experience. LSD expands the mind in numerous ways, opening up neural pathways that in ordinary waking life would probably never see the light of day. Therefore, there are immense gains to be had in taking LSD from both a mental health as well as creative standpoint. As a proud queer femme psychonaut who is not only devoted to the psychedelic experience but also to psychedelic decriminalization efforts here in New York City, I’ve been truly lucky to come across some other psychedelic activists who are also interested in spreading intentional psychonautical aspirations. I decided to sit down with Aaron Genuth, an entheogenic community leader and the founder of Darkhei Rephua.

This organization, locally based here in New York, is a Jewish entheogenic non-profit dedicated to help increase entheogenic awareness and build community amongst Judaic psychedelic practitioners and advocates. While most of Darkhei Rephua’s work surrounds itself with entheogenic plant medicines, usually in the form of psilocybin mushrooms, Aaron also believes that LSD should be incorporated in their discussions and actions as well. Through Darkhei Rephua, Aaron wishes to get initiatives going around the city as well as to support new initiatives to introduce and integrate entheogens and psychedelics back into the healing culture of New York City. When I asked Aaron about his personal transformational experiences with LSD, he mentioned that, as what is common when starting such a substance, LSD allowed him to realize that so much of what he thought was merely a fantasy is in fact possible and achievable in this world. He also mentioned that he was able to think about things that he otherwise never would have previously considered.

LSD can be very useful as a tool that can be intentionally incorporated for working on mental health development and perspectives, as it connects and builds important neural networks while also expanding upon new neural pathways and modes of being. However, there is a downside Aaron mentioned that is also worth discussing, and that is that when utilized recklessly, LSD use can have detrimental results on mental health. I most certainly encountered this firsthand with my second intentional LSD trip, where I conversed with multiple demons and came to commune with some rough aspects of my psyche. I remember telling a friend after that bad trip ended that it was almost as if I had “felt human sadness.” I truly believe that LSD allows for you to meet and understand these less-than-ideal aspects of yourself on occasion, but sometimes these meetings can only help personal growth. I say this because I nowadays feel proud, valiant even, for surviving that particularly bad trip and coming out the other side. It only allowed me to further grow into that moment of sitting outside the rave, smiling profusely and never wanting to give this lifestyle up.

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This piece wouldn’t be complete without mentioning some lovely psychedelic resources that have had an impact on me and that other people should utilize when embarking on journeys within the mind.

DoubleBlind Magazine is an online and print publication devoted to the psychedelic experience. Their written pieces are quite expansive, and they also recently unveiled a mushroom-growing course as well as digital breathwork sessions.

PsychedSubstance is a really lovely YouTube channel where all sorts of topics relegated to psychedelia are explored.

Finally, I am a huge fan of r/Psychonaut on Reddit!

Happy exploring, everyone!

G0ATZ is a writer, filmmaker, and occasional photographer and curator local to Brooklyn. Her works have been featured in a few publications and exhibitions, and she also curated the 2019 Fatal Femme Film Festival. This is a woman who loves the simple things in life: techno music, French bulldogs, and lots of coffee. She can be reached on Instagram @boatsofgoatz.

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